Whether you feel a meltdown coming on or the meltdown is already in full swing, you know that you have to act fast. Having an angry or upset child is frustrating. You want to help your child, but you may feel embarrassed, stressed out, or even just defeated. Listen, Mom, this is hard! You’re dealing with a challenging situation and even if other people are judging you, that’s on them. You can handle it! And we want to help. Here’s how to prevent a meltdown, and here’s how to help a child with autism calm down:
Table of Contents
First: Understand the Problem
Children with autism can have meltdowns for a variety of reasons. These reasons can be difficult for parents to understand, especially if the child is nonverbal or too young to express their wants and needs.
Try to identify the trigger of the meltdown so you can start addressing the problem.
Anxiety
Did you know that anxiety disorders are the most common comorbid conditions for patients with autism? Your child is prone to anxiety, and that can cause them to act out when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
Consider your own anxious feelings. You have the tools to help your child with autism calm down and have had years of practice, but your kiddo probably isn’t there yet.
Read more: How to Teach Yes No Questions to Kids with Autism
Read more: Learning Videos for Kids
Sensory Issues
Children with autism also experience sensory issues. They can go through sensory overload if there are too many strange sounds, textures, or sights. Even the buzz from fluorescent lighting can be overwhelming!
An Unmet Need
All children, not just neurodivergent children, act out when they have an unmet need. They don’t have the skills to tell you what’s wrong, so they have to get attention in other ways.
Remember that your child isn’t trying to be mean or embarrass you when they’re having a meltdown. They’re trying to tell you that they’re upset but don’t know how.
Stay Calm
The first thing that you need to do when your child starts having a meltdown is to remain calm. If you stay calm, it will be easier for your child to calm down. Children respond to your behavior.
Don’t punish the child or try to pull them out of the situation by force. It’s common to see parents with upset children hurriedly removing themselves from the situation. While you can remove the child (and that’s often the best solution), you should do so as gently as possible.
Take a deep breath, remember your own coping strategies, and help everyone treat your child with respect we all deserve when we’re stuggling.
Remove the Child From the Situation
As we mentioned, sometimes it is best to remove the child. If the problem is that the child is experiencing sensory issues, and you don’t have the tools to help (more on that later), then moving your child elsewhere is a great option.
Read more: How to Stop Meltdowns in Public Places
If you’re in a store or other overwhelming public location, take your child out into the car. Sit with them until they’re able to calm down. If the problem was sensory overload, moving to a quiet and familiar location is often enough to soothe them.
Don’t Try to Reason
Many parents make the mistake of trying to reason with angry children to deescalate the situation. This is common in modern “gentle parenting” techniques, and while it may work for children who have a better grasp on their emotions, it likely won’t work for a child with autism.
Remember that your child didn’t reason themself into their meltdown. Something triggered it, and that “something” was likely “irrational.”
Consider your own feelings when you’re upset or overwhelmed. Is it helpful when someone tries to tell you why you shouldn’t have those feelings? In most cases, probably not.
Let your child know that you empathize with them and ask them what they want you to do. Validate your child’s emotions while you try to calm them down or remove them from the situation.
Bring (and Use) Sensory Objects
Sensory objects are lifesavers when it comes to soothing a child who’s having a meltdown. Keep a box of them at home and keep a few with you when you’re out in public.
For your at-home box, make sure that your child knows where it is at all times. Teach them how and when to use the objects to calm themselves.
So what about your to-go bag of objects? What should you include to help your child calm down? We recommend things like:
- Noise-canceling headphones
- Fidget toys
- Slime toys (unless your child is messy)
- Popping toys
- Candy (so your child can focus on taste)
Don’t force these things on your child mid-meltdown, but when you see a meltdown coming on, bring them out! Don’t worry about what other people think.
Eventually, your child may be able to ask for these objects on their own.
Make Them Feel Safe
The most important thing to do when your child is having a meltdown is to let them know that they’re safe. Don’t punish or shame your child for having a tantrum. This may make them feel as though they’re not allowed to express their emotions.
Remember: your child, at this age, can’t control their meltdowns yet.
Have empathy for your child. Once you remove them from the situation, let them know that their feelings are okay. Your child will feel better if you validate them.
Don’t leave your child alone after a meltdown unless they want to be left alone. When you leave, you’re telling your child that they don’t exist to you when they express themselves or do something that they don’t like. This isn’t your intention, but this could be what the child understands.
Goally | Kid’s Tablet for Building Emotional Regulation Skills
Is your child struggling with understanding and managing their emotions? Goally teaches emotional regulation skills in a fun and interactive way!
The Mood Tuner app encourages kids to look inwards and identify their feelings, helping them understand what’s going on inside. Once they’ve recognized their emotions, they can choose from a variety of exercises designed to help them self-regulate and find their balance.
In conclusion, helping a child with autism calm down requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to try different techniques. As children with autism mature, they often gain better control over their meltdowns, making the process easier over time. By utilizing tools like those provided by Goally, such as behavior trackers, scheduling tools, and engaging activities, you can support your child’s executive function skills and create an environment that promotes calmness and overall growth. Remember to embrace the journey with patience and compassion, celebrating every milestone along the way.
FAQ’s About How to Help a Child With Autism Calm Down
How can I help a child with autism calm down? Strategies to help a child with autism calm down include creating a calm environment, providing sensory tools, using visual supports, practicing deep breathing exercises, and offering reassurance and comfort.
What are some sensory tools that can help calm a child with autism? Sensory tools like weighted blankets, fidget toys, noise-canceling headphones, and sensory bottles can help provide calming sensory input for a child with autism.
How does a visual schedule help in calming a child with autism? Visual schedules offer predictability and structure, which can help reduce anxiety and provide a sense of security for a child with autism, contributing to their overall calmness.
Are there specific deep breathing exercises that can be effective in calming a child with autism? Deep breathing exercises, such as belly breathing and balloon breathing, can help regulate emotions and promote relaxation in a child with autism.
How can I provide reassurance and comfort during a meltdown? During a meltdown, it's important to stay calm, offer a comforting presence, use gentle touch or soothing words, and give the child space and time to regulate their emotions.
This post was originally published on 03/02/2022. It was updated on 05/30/2023
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