How to Help Kindergarteners With Anxiety

My friend called me the other day, and her daughter was crying. All her daughter could say was that she didn’t want to attend school. She was in kindergarten, and her anxiety was really starting to flare up with starting school, making friends, and being away from Mom. In my role, I’ve provided support to families for over a decade, and I can tell you for sure that kindergarten is one of the most significant life adjustment periods for neurodivergent kids and their families. If your child faces the challenges of kindergarten adjustment, you’re not alone. I have some ideas of how to help kindergarteners with anxiety manage these feelings and have included information on how to validate their emotions, practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques, and manage anxieties about being separated from you.

Helping Kindergarteners With Anxiety

Anxiety is a normal and natural human emotion, and that includes kids— especially neurodivergent kids. Sometimes, a little extra support goes a long way in helping them manage their anxious feelings, and some strategies will work better than others, depending on the kid. Here are some tips for how to help kindergarteners with anxiety that may be having a hard time adjusting.

Validate Their Feelings

Never tell your child their feelings don’t make sense or there’s no reason to feel that way. Even if the fear seems unfounded to you, it feels real to them! Let them know you understand that their feelings are valid. Some validating phrases to use might be: “Kindergarten can be pretty overwhelming sometimes. It makes sense that you’re sometimes feeling worried.” “It’s okay to feel anxious and a little afraid. Everyone gets scared sometimes.” “I know this situation feels difficult, but I believe in you.”

Goally | The Tablet for Neurodiverse Kids

Help Them Identify Their Triggers

Talk to your child about what situations might be making them feel nervous. Sometimes, we can figure out which moments, people, or places trigger our anxiety. Figuring out what triggers our feelings gives us a good place to start. Here are some questions to ask: Is it walking into the classroom that makes you feel nervous? Are you concerned about making friends? Do certain noises bother you throughout the day, like the lunchroom sounds? Once you understand some of the things that might make your child uncomfortable, you can come up with solutions together. For example, if the hustle and bustle of the lunchroom feels overwhelming, there may be a quieter space where they can eat. Or having a familiar comfort object (like a small fidget toy or a unique locket with a picture of you inside) can help.

Encourage Them to Practice Self-care

Kids learn just as much from seeing as they do from hearing — so when they see you taking care of your own health with activities that promote well-being and good mental health, it sends a strong and positive message. Here are a few things the two of you can do together: Engage in physical activity: Playing outside, riding bikes, dancing, or simply taking a walk can alleviate anxious thoughts and pent-up energy.

• Practice deep breathing: Teach your child simple breathing exercises to help them calm down. Try counting breaths together or blowing bubbles.
• Promote mindfulness: Mindfulness activities like focusing on the senses (naming all the colors they can see) or engaging in guided meditation can help kids ground themselves during anxious moments.

Read more: How to Help an Anxious Child

Help Them Learn to Relax

When your child is worked up, and their anxiety is in full swing, teaching them to relax is vital. Try using something called the 3-3-3 rule: Look around. Have them name three things they can see in their environment. Listen closely. Ask them to list three things they hear. Move their body. Have them move three parts of their body: finger wiggles, shoulder shrugs, and foot taps, which all work. This quick exercise forces them to slow down their thoughts and focus on the present moment.

Help Them Set Realistic Goals

When kids are experiencing anxiety, it’s easy for them to focus on everything they’re afraid of. Help your child break down big, intimidating tasks into smaller, more manageable ones. For example, instead of facing the entire school day with dread, have them focus on getting through just the first hour, then the next, and so on. Remember to acknowledge their progress and successes, no matter how small they seem.

Reward Them for Brave Behaviors

Positive reinforcement can make a big difference when your child faces their fears. When your child tries to manage their anxiety — even if it’s just a tiny victory— reward their efforts and celebrate these brave behaviors. It doesn’t need to be anything big or expensive, but something they genuinely enjoy. Maybe it’s extra time to do their favorite activity or read a book together while cuddling on the couch. When a child is praised for pushing through their fears, they feel more motivated to continue trying.

Model Healthy Ways of Handling Anxiety

Kids learn from observation. Suppose they witness their primary caregivers handling their anxious moments with healthy coping mechanisms. In that case, they’ll be more likely to follow suit. Try your best to maintain a positive attitude and talk about your challenges in relatable ways for your child. For example: “I’m nervous about my presentation, but I know I prepared well and will do my best.” “Getting a flu shot isn’t fun, but I know it’s important.” Let them see you utilizing your coping strategies, like taking deep breaths, exercising, or engaging in relaxing hobbies.

Don’t Avoid Things Just Because Your Kid is Feeling Anxious

It can be tempting to avoid situations that trigger anxiety in your child, but this often backfires in the long run. Avoidance can reinforce their worries and make anxiety stronger. Instead, try to find ways to help them gradually face their fears in a safe and supportive environment. If your child is anxious about going to school, let’s explore what support could look like during that transition! It could be having them walk you to the door or having them walk to the cubby while you stand on the other side of the classroom.

Remember, you’re the most important person in helping your little learners learn to handle their big emotions. Anxiety can be really sickening and overwhelming. But with your support, consistency, and patience, your child can manage their worries, thrive, and learn to love school.

Sources

• HelpGuide.org has valuable information and resources for managing anxiety in children
• The Child Mind Institute provides reliable resources and support for children’s mental health, including anxiety
• The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) offers information about mental health conditions in both children and adults, along with various treatment options and resource.

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FAQ’s About How to Help Kindergarteners With Anxiety

What are some signs of anxiety in kindergarteners?
Kindergarteners with anxiety might seem unusually clingy, complain of tummy aches or headaches, have trouble sleeping, or become irritable and prone to tantrums.

How can I talk to my kindergartener about anxiety?
Use simple language to explain that anxiety is like having a big worry feeling, and reassure them that it's okay to feel worried sometimes. Let them know you're there to help them feel better.

What can I do if my child is having an anxiety attack at school?
Coordinate with your child's teacher to develop a plan beforehand. This might include a designated safe space in the classroom where your child can calm down.

Are there breathing exercises that can help anxious kindergarteners?
Yes! Teach your child simple deep breathing techniques like "belly breathing" or have them pretend to blow out birthday candles to slow down their breathing.

When should I seek professional help for my kindergartener's anxiety?
If your child's anxiety is significantly impacting their daily life or doesn't improve with at-home strategies, reach out to their pediatrician or a mental health professional.