Understanding Unwanted Touch

When it comes to teaching our kids about boundaries, understanding the difference between good touch and bad touch is a crucial step. It’s a conversation that can feel uncomfortable, but it’s one of the most important ones we can have as caregivers. I work with kids every day, and I’ve found that breaking down this concept into simple, relatable steps can make it easier for both you and your child. In this guide, I’ll walk you through how to teach good touch and bad touch in a way that’s easy to understand, ensuring your child feels safe and empowered.

1. Create a Safe and Open Environment

The first step in teaching good touch bad touch is setting the right tone. I always tell parents that creating a safe, judgment-free space is crucial. You want your kids to feel comfortable asking questions and sharing concerns without fear.

Here are some ways to foster this environment:

• Choose a quiet, private time to have the conversation
• Use a calm, matter-of-fact tone of voice
• Reassure your child that they can always come to you with questions or worries
• Avoid using scary language or graphic details that might overwhelm them

Remember, this isn’t a one-time talk. It’s an ongoing dialogue that you’ll revisit as your child grows and develops. By establishing open communication early on, you’re laying the groundwork for future conversations about personal safety and boundaries.

2. Use Proper Terminology for Body Parts

When teaching good touch bad touch, it’s essential to use correct anatomical terms for body parts. I know it can feel awkward at first, but using euphemisms or cutesy names can actually create confusion and make it harder for kids to report inappropriate touch if it occurs.

Here’s a simple way to introduce this concept:

Body Part	Explanation
Private parts	Areas covered by a swimsuit (vagina, penis, buttocks, chest)
Mouth	Also considered private in terms of kissing
Other body parts	Use correct terms (arms, legs, back, etc.)

By using proper terminology, you’re empowering your child with the language they need to communicate effectively about their body. This knowledge is a crucial part of their personal safety toolkit.

Read more: Teach Your Kids What to Do If Someone is Touching Them

3. Explain the Concept of Personal Boundaries

Teaching kids about personal boundaries is a cornerstone of good touch bad touch education. I like to use the analogy of an invisible bubble that surrounds each person. This bubble represents our personal space, and it’s okay to decide who we let into that space.

Here are some key points to cover when discussing boundaries:

• Everyone has the right to their personal space
• It’s okay to say “no” to unwanted touch, even from family members or friends
• Respect others’ boundaries and personal space
• Different types of relationships have different boundaries (e.g., doctor visits, family hugs, strangers)

I often suggest role-playing scenarios to help kids practice setting boundaries. For example, you could pretend to be a relative asking for a hug, and let your child practice politely declining if they don’t want to. This hands-on approach can really help reinforce the concept and build confidence in asserting boundaries.

4. Differentiate Between Good Touch and Bad Touch

Now we’re getting to the heart of the matter – helping kids understand the difference between good touch and bad touch. I find that using clear, simple language works best here.

Let’s break it down:

Good Touch:

• Makes you feel safe, cared for, and happy
• Examples: hugs from parents, high-fives with friends, a doctor’s exam with a parent present
• Always respects your boundaries and stops if you say no

Bad Touch:

• Makes you feel uncomfortable, scared, or yucky
• Includes touching private parts or asking you to touch someone else’s private parts
• Can also be unwanted hugs or kisses, even if the person is familiar
• Doesn’t stop when you say no or ask them to stop

I always emphasize that if a touch makes them feel unsure or uncomfortable, it’s important to tell a trusted adult right away. It’s not always easy for kids to identify bad touch, especially if it comes from someone they know and trust. That’s why ongoing conversations and reinforcement are so crucial.

5. Teach the “No, Go, Tell” Strategy

One of the most effective tools I’ve used in my practice is the “No, Go, Tell” strategy. It gives kids a clear action plan if they encounter a situation that makes them uncomfortable. Here’s how to break it down for your child:

1. No: Say “No” in a loud, firm voice. Practice this with your child so they feel confident using it.
2. Go: Get away from the situation as quickly as possible. Teach them it’s okay to run, scream, or do whatever they need to do to get to safety.
3. Tell: Immediately tell a trusted adult what happened. Emphasize that it’s never too late to tell, even if the incident happened a while ago.

Role-playing this strategy can be incredibly helpful. Set up various scenarios and let your child practice responding. This not only reinforces the concept but also builds muscle memory, making it more likely they’ll react appropriately in a real situation.

6. Identify Trusted Adults

An essential part of the good touch bad touch conversation is helping your child identify trusted adults they can turn to if they ever feel unsafe or confused. While you’re likely at the top of that list, it’s important for kids to have multiple safe people in their support network.

Work with your child to create a list of trusted adults. This might include:

• Parents or guardians
• Teachers or school counselors
• Grandparents or other close relatives
• Family friends
• Coaches or activity leaders

Explain that these are people they can go to if they ever experience bad touch or feel unsafe. Make sure your child knows how to contact these individuals, whether it’s by phone, in person, or through another adult.

I always remind parents that it’s crucial to believe and support your child if they come to you with concerns. Your response in that moment can have a significant impact on their willingness to share in the future.

Read more: What Happens If a Child Touches Another Child Inappropriately?

7. Use Age-Appropriate Resources

In my experience, incorporating age-appropriate books, videos, and activities can greatly enhance your child’s understanding of good touch bad touch. These resources can help reinforce the concepts you’re teaching and provide a springboard for further discussion.

Here are some ideas based on age groups:

Age Group	Recommended Resources
2-5 years	Simple picture books about body safety, songs about private parts
6-9 years	Interactive websites with games about personal safety, age-appropriate videos
10+ years	More detailed books on puberty and personal safety, guided discussions

Remember to preview any resources before sharing them with your child to ensure they align with your family’s values and your child’s maturity level. These tools should complement, not replace, your ongoing conversations about personal safety.

8. Regularly Review and Reinforce

Teaching good touch bad touch isn’t a one-and-done conversation. It’s a topic that needs regular review and reinforcement as your child grows and their world expands. I always encourage parents to find natural opportunities to revisit these concepts.

Some ways to keep the conversation going include:

• Discussing relevant news stories (in an age-appropriate way)
• Reviewing personal safety rules before sleepovers or camps
• Asking open-ended questions about their understanding of boundaries
• Praising them when they demonstrate good boundary-setting

By making personal safety an ongoing topic of conversation, you’re reinforcing its importance and keeping the lines of communication open. This continuous dialogue helps ensure that your child feels comfortable coming to you with any concerns or questions they might have.

Talking about good touch and bad touch can be tough, but it’s super important to keep your kid safe. By creating an open vibe, using the right words, setting clear boundaries, explaining different types of touch, teaching them how to respond, pointing out trustworthy adults, using age-friendly materials, and going over these ideas often, you’re giving your kid the tools they need to stay safe. Every kid is different, so be patient and tweak your approach as you go. Having these chats will really help keep your kid safe and confident.

Resources:

• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
• NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children)
• Committee for Children

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FAQs About How to Teach Good Touch and Bad Touch

What is "good touch bad touch"?
Good touch bad touch" is a simple way to help kids understand the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touching, crucial for their personal safety.

How can I teach my child about "good touch bad touch"?
Goally's tablet offers a step-by-step video class on "how to teach good touch bad touch," making the learning process interactive and engaging for kids.

What are the steps to teach "good touch bad touch"?
The steps include recognizing unwanted touching, learning to say no, getting away from the situation, and talking to a trusted adult.

How can Goally help in teaching "good touch bad touch"?
Goally breaks down the process into easy-to-follow steps in a video class, helping kids understand and practice the concept at their own pace.

This post was originally published on 11/17/2023. It was updated on 08/16/2024.