As a professional who works closely with children, I’m often asked, “What not to do with an autistic child?” It’s a valid inquiry and one that deserves careful consideration. After all, understanding the nuances of autism can be a daunting task, even for the most dedicated among us. In this blog post, we’ll discuss some common mistakes to avoid with an autistic child, backed by research and experts in the field.
Table of Contents
Feeding Into Their Behavior
As a seasoned practitioner, I’ve seen many parents unintentionally feed into their child’s behavior. It’s a slippery slope, you see. When your neurodivergent kid engages in a behavior that’s disruptive or challenging, it’s tempting to soothe them instantly. But, in doing so, you might inadvertently reinforce the very behavior you’re trying to mitigate.
For instance, if your child refuses to eat dinner and throws a tantrum, and you respond by offering their favorite cookies instead, what message does it send? It tells them that their tantrum was effective and can be used as a tool to get what they want. Instead, try to set clear boundaries and stick to them. It’s not about being strict but about providing a consistent structure that helps them navigate their world more effectively.
Read more: 7 Tips to Positive Discipline for Your Child
Punishing Them
I can’t emphasize this enough – punishing a neurodivergent child for their behavior is not the way to go. Autism isn’t a behavioral issue; it’s a neurological difference. When an autistic child behaves in a certain way, it’s often their way of communicating their needs or coping with overwhelming situations.
Rather than punishment, opt for understanding and guidance. If they’re having a meltdown because they’re overwhelmed by loud noises, for example, punishing them won’t solve the problem. Instead, try to identify the trigger (the loud noise), remove it if possible, and teach them coping mechanisms for similar situations in the future.
Having Unclear Expectations
Kids with thinking and learning differences thrive on routine and structure. Imagine navigating a new city without a map – daunting, right? That’s how a day can feel for an autistic child without clear expectations.
Setting clear, consistent expectations can be a game changer. It gives them a sense of control and helps reduce anxiety. Be specific with instructions and provide ample warning for transitions or changes in routine. Above all, ensure your expectations are realistic and consider their unique abilities and limitations.
Read more: Does My Autistic Child Understand Me?
Assuming They Can’t Communicate
One of the biggest misconceptions I’ve encountered is the assumption that non-verbal means incapable of communication. That’s far from the truth. Autistic kids, even those who are non-verbal, communicate in myriad ways – through sounds, gestures, facial expressions, and body language.
As parents, it’s crucial to tune into these alternative modes of communication and respond accordingly. It’s like learning a new language, one that’s unique to your child. It can be challenging, but the rewards – understanding your child’s needs and strengthening your bond – are well worth the effort.
Some Parenting Styles
When it comes to parenting neurodivergent kids, not all styles fit the bill. For instance, hands-off (free-range) parenting and permissive parenting may not provide the structure and consistency that autistic kids often need.
Hands-off parenting, while fostering independence, might leave them feeling lost and anxious without clear guidelines. Permissive parenting, on the other hand, may fail to establish the necessary boundaries that help them navigate their world.
Instead, a balanced approach that combines structure with flexibility, clear expectations with room for autonomy, and consistent boundaries with plenty of love and understanding can go a long way in supporting your child’s growth and development.
Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. The key is understanding your child’s unique needs and adapting your parenting style accordingly.
Goally | Visual Scheduler for Autism
Does your child struggle with getting ready in the morning independently? Goally’s routine app on the best tablet for kids breaks down large tasks into small, achievable steps for autistic kids. Create custom routines with your own videos & pictures for every step.
To Wrap Up
Navigating the parenting journey with a neurodivergent child may seem like traversing a labyrinth at times, but remember, every challenge is also an opportunity to learn and grow. By avoiding these common pitfalls, you can create a supportive, understanding environment that helps your child thrive. So, take a deep breath, trust in your abilities, and take each day as it comes. You’re doing a fantastic job, and your child is lucky to have you.
Resources:
- National Autistic Society – A leading UK charity for autistic people and their families, providing information, support and pioneering services.
- Autism Speaks – An organization dedicated to promoting solutions, across the spectrum and throughout the lifespan, for the needs of individuals with autism and their families.
- Autism Society – The oldest and largest grassroots organization within the autism community, Autism Society provides reliable information, advocacy, and support for individuals and families affected by autism.
FAQs About What Not To Do With an Autistic Child
1. What should I avoid when communicating with an autistic child? Answer: Avoid using sarcasm or euphemisms, and instead use clear, literal language with specific instructions when talking to your child. 2. How can I use learning tools to help my autistic child? Answer: Provide visual schedules to establish routines, use emotional regulation apps for self-awareness, and offer reward systems to motivate positive behaviors. 3. What is essential in setting boundaries for an autistic child? Answer: Set clear rules with simple language to ensure understanding, and always reinforce positive behavior through praise and rewards. 4. How can I help my autistic child with emotional regulation? Answer: Introduce emotional regulation apps and guide them in identifying, expressing, and managing their emotions effectively. 5. How can I support my autistic child in social situations? Answer: Practice social skills at home, offer visual cues and reminders, and provide guidance in new or unfamiliar situations to ensure they feel confident and comfortable.
This post was originally published on 11/28/2022. It was updated on 03/13/2024.
Goally
We help parents teach their kids life skills, like doing bedtime and morning independently. Backed by science, we incorporate evidence-based practices and expert-informed designs in all of our apps and content.
